The tyranny of the majority race

As you can see, I haven't blogged in ages. So it must have taken an incident of great importance for me to want to vent about.

Last week, I attended a work related meeting, it was for an Appreciation Ceremony for volunteers. It was held at the sister organisation's premises. The Chairman of the Committee hadn't attended the previous meeting so the tone was a little different. Boy was I in for a rude shock!

When the meeting started, in the first place, there was no clear, welcome to the meeting, sorry I wasn't able to make it for the meeting, etc. So he just launches right into the meeting - in Mandarin! I was mildly annoyed but that is far from how I felt half way through the meeting because they kept smattering the communication with words I didn't know about. I kept eyeballing and making my annoyance known to my colleague from the sister organisation. I was even more flabberghasted as I was supposed to take minutes. "How in the world am I supposed to take minutes, I don't think I am taking anymore minutes!" I told him. He too looked flustered because his ED and another colleague of his had also clearly said "Channel 5" etc but it was just so natural for them to ignore the Indian that the rest (mainly the Chairperson - Manjan No 1, and another guy, Manjan 2) who kept speaking in Mandarin or god knows what other dialect.

At one point, I got so exasperated and disgusted, in the middle of Manjan 2's Mandarin outpouring, I raised my voice to be heard and I said "I don't understand what is being said!" He laughingly says "Maybe you should learn Mandarin!" and I told him, "Maybe you should learn English", laughingly too of course. The irony is, the Committee was considering a celebration of the different ethnicities as a theme. The dress code is ethnic wear. My toes are laughing.

I have felt like an outsider many a times in my own country - where people of the majority race have refused to sit next to me because of my ethnicity, or taught their children to call us "Appu Ne ne (meaning dark skinned people), cover their noses when we are in the same lift, not being shortlisted as I don't speak or write Mandarin. This incident must be the mother of all arrogance that characterises the way that a sizeable number of the majority race views the minorities.

My point is - don't sweep racism under the carpet and pretend that it doesn't exist. Don't pretend that our children don't suffer from racism from their peers, their teachers who label them generously, don't deny that Indians and Malays get rejected from jobs eventhough they are fully qualified and some even speak Mandarin because they are the wrong colour. What a jokeRacial Harmony Day is! Ethnic Integration Policy my foot. I am sure our parents and grandparents lived much more cohesively in the good ole kampung days.

This is one reason why I will never feel a strong affinity to Singapore - because as a country, we have failed to address the problem of racism. The majority ruling class will never understand because they have had never experienced the brunt of racism, and even if they had in their travels, it just probably makes them more committed to create a haven for their own race - where they feel that accepted and the norm. When Chingapore, become Singapore, a true melting pot, maybe other ethnic minorities will feel they can call this city state "home". There are many things I appreciate about this country - but this country is just a country for now.

Drifting Along

I haven't really blogged religiously - I wonder what really propels people to blog on a regular basis! I don't really just want to update about what happens in my life per se, yet forming opinions about the world around us requires some element of thinking and organising one's ideas in a manner that flows and is interesting to read.

I went to register myself for the NTU Mass Comm Masters programme today. I would describe it as HARROWING! I already figured that the campus was godforsaken when I went to drop off my application - I am even more certain of it's bizarreness now. The designers of the place must be some mad architects. It is a maze of hilly slopes with funny looking sheltered walkways. Even the students don't know much beyond one or two lecture theatres I think. I was led on a wild goose chase while people were providing me with all sorts of wrong directions. You might wonder - why didn't I just use the map? The maps cause even more confusion and do more to mystify the locations then enlighten.

It was supposed to be really simple, go to the student service centre and make a payment and then make your way to LT26 to register yourself with the proof of payment. It sounds like a no brainer but with absolutely no clear directions on the location in this mammoth sprawling campus, I felt like I was in some Amazing Race episode, racing against time and the elements (It was REALLY hot). The bus stops are so far away from each other and you have to walk a very long distance to get anywhere.

Have I been spoiled by NUS? I don't remember every having any trouble, even in my first few days as an Undergraduate finding my way around, not only in Arts, but in Engineering, or Law or even Science. There were so many clear signages directing us to our destination.

I just hope that I wouldn't ever have to venture beyond the MMC room (by the way, I am yet to locate it!) when classes start.

Speaking of classes, I am so conflicted about whether I should do the Masters full time or part time.

Full Time - $9000 per year (maximum candidature is 2 years, so up to $18000 for 2 years)
Part Time - $6000 per year (maximum candidature is 4 years, so up to $24,000 for 4 years)

It isn't so much the cost as either way I have to take a loan, it is the number of classes. As a full time student, I must take at least 3 classes per semester, whereas as a part time student, I can even take 1. Can I cope with 3 classes per week when I am working? That is the question ...

The Price of Charity

It was one of those experiences that makes one feel a sense of bewilderment and anger all rolled into one - so much so that one is speechless and motionless for a few minutes after the incident.

My boyfriend and I were strolling (if that is possible in Orchard Road!) along on Saturday evening after a wonderful dinner. At the new entrance of Orchard MRT Station, there was an elderly lady who was standing smack in the middle of the entrance, with her array of knicks knacks and touting them to the passerbys. It was quite a heartwrenching sight because she was elderly - and one imagines, "Oh if my mum had to send in the streets and hawk goods like this!" Everyone was ignoring her and under normal circumstances, I would have too but my boyfriend however felt moved enough to want to help - and I think both of us telepathically figured she will not accept money without any purchase. I guess we were delusional and boy did we come crashing down to reality quickly.

He approached her display of goodies and picked up an innocuous looking 3 in 1 coffee packet. He handed her a $2 bill - and we were both looking at her expectantly to return us a $1 or at least thank us for our civic mindedness. She barely looked at us but barked out "$4! $4!"! Both of us were so shocked that we went into a kinda dazed situation. She was charging $4 for a small packet of 3 in 1 packet? He had a $5 bill, and we passed it to her and she was rummaging for the change but I told him, let's not bother. The whole scene is still playing before my eyes. I think we were kind of worried that she was going to create a scene if we didn't pay up and we certainly didn't want to create a scene in Orchard! From a feeling of charity and kindness, we were quickly awakened to face the possibility of daylight robbery. My sisters were also shocked and one of them commented in anger, "Should have reported her to the MRT personnel as a tout!"

Sleep Apnea

I suffer from a sleep disorder called sleep apnea. How did I even know on the existence of such a disorder ? I have to thank Tay, my ex-colleague from Jakarta. He used to carry this serious looking blue bag along everytime we travelled back and forth Singapore and Jakarta. One day when I was in his apartment, he showed me his "baby" - his CPAP machine.

Is all of this sounding like I am speaking in tongues? Let me clarify what sleep apnea is. I am tempted to cut and paste some useful links but let me try to explain my own understanding of it. Sleep apnea is the result of the over-relaxation of muscles that are around your throat, during sleep. Hence, the air passage closes down and alarm signals go off to the brain and one becomes active. The pattern may repeat itself several times in a night. So this is what happens :
Sleep --> Airway muscles relax --> Airway collapses --> Reduced airflow --> Distress --> Brain awakens --> Airway muscles energized -->Airway opens --> Normal airflow -->Distress ends --> Brain goes back to sleep

While normal sleepers are having aspect of their body, including their brain rejuvenated through much need rest, sleep apnea sufferers do not get the requisite sleep need to recover and replenish. I used to take sleep for granted previously. When I used to work in Jakarta, I used to keep irregular hours. Used to come home, and nap till 7 or 8 pm, then stay up till 3 am, get up to go to work at 5.30 am. Could that have been one of the contributing factors leading to my current situation? One will never know!

There are several factors that lead to sleep apnea - most of them are still rather abitrary though. Excess weight is one of them, but Tay isn't overweight. Sometimes it is how the jaw is positioned. Sleeping on the back might be the problem for some, but my sleep apnea occurs most when I am in REM - ie dream sleep as the body is completely relaxed at this stage.

I will keep you informed when I finally invest in the CPAP machine (which is what is gonna help me sleep better). It is exorbitantly priced - $2500 for an average CPAP! The cost of a good night of sleep - priceless.

Image Station is Closed!!!

Sob sob! Why do I expect anything to last forever is a big question. But - I did expect imagestation by sony to at least keep it's members informed. Maybe they did but it was probably some inactive email account that they sent the information to.

I wanted to revisit the website and download the images of myself and my space in Jakarta in 2003. Alas, that is not meant to be. So those images are gone forever - thank goodness they weren't really important pictures.

However, I realise that in this modern world, things are alot more transient indeed. Images captured lovingly often get trapped in the digital world - fondly shared for a few days and then eventually forgotten. Staying on the subject matter of photographs, all the photographs that we have taken from when I was young, right up to when the digital age set in, I treasure those. It is a paradox though that it is digitalisation that enables us to preserve these cherished pictures from the wear and tear of time and yet pictures taken by the digital camera remain there for years until someone takes the effort to develop them or print them at home.

I bought one of those multi-functional printers in the Computer Fair in 2005. I also bought tons of photo paper that was being sold at a huge discount. I have used the printer only a handful of times. What is the hestitancy about printing all the digital images on paper? Somehow digital images don't carry the same value as photographs taken by the older version of cameras where one has to take the film roll and develop them at the kodak or fuji stores. That fear that the roll could have been spoiled, the anticipation of how the photos turned up and whether the images have been captured the way that one envisioned them to turn up - I guess what is missing is the sense of mystery and wonder of the good old days. The price of perfection ...

The First of Many Beginnings!

This is a new space for me to write. I think that one gets better with practice right? I just haven't had the discipline to consistently blog. Geez, be consistent with anything at all! But well, writing is supposed to help unleash all the pent up talents, emotions, etc etc. I truly do believe in the healing and cathartic power of words.

Sometimes through writing, one can also unravel a complicated mind and get to the bottom of things. I know that I can write relatively well - but I've never really considered it a strength until of late. Hence, here's me, back to attempting to have a blog of some sorts.

It is always difficult to maintain a balance of some sorts. Afterall, this isn't a diary that is meant for my eyes only. Perhaps some sort of censorship would help me develop a style of writing that is acceptable for public consumption when I eventually make it big in the corporate communication world!

I feel like I am finally recovering from my semi-permanent flu symptoms. The doctor whom I consulted yesterday said that I might be suffering from mild sinus - why am I not surprise. I was half expecting her to tell me that I have asthma, the way my nasal passages are going crazy! I paid a good $50 over dollars to get drugged. I have started spraying - my nose that is. That is supposed to hasten the recovery period. Keeping my fingers crossed on that coz I HATE the fact that my nose is always clogged with gunk.

I did finally order the homeopathic anti-allergy tablets that I used to take when I was in the U.S. It was a bare US$5. I am have ordered 4 boxes which would help me save on the postage cost of US$6. I can't wait for it to arrive.

Here's to better health - emotionally, physically and mentally!